You know, when you think about it, this so-called representative democracy of ours has gotten a little time-worn, like an old shirt that is a little frayed around the collar and really doesn’t fit anymore. The people we elect to go to Washington to represent us end up just selling out to the special interests, the bought and paid-for lobbyists who represent the “economic royalty”, as Roosevelt called them, the moneyed elite whose interests will never coincide with those of the average American—the average voter. Most Americans, however, don’t seem to care. Young guys today ( mostly those who wear their baseball caps in reverse) can quote you the daily box scores for their favorite sports team, but a lot of them can’t even name their senators, or the person in the Congress who represents their district. Half the people in the country don’t even bother to vote. So what’s the big deal about democracy?
So what’s the big deal about democracy?
Our institutions of government have become gentrified, obsolete and unresponsive to the needs of the people.. Maybe it’s time for a change of clothes. What better than some royal robes? We need a king, and who better than the Donald. Think about it. He’s really not accustomed to working in a collegial way with a legislature. He’s used to giving orders to some dummy apprentice—just like a dictator. We could do away entirely with the Congress of the United States. And given the way they’ve performed (or not performed) the past few years, that would probably be a good thing. His whole family would suddenly become royal. We’d finally have a real aristocracy in America—not just those phony Bushes and Clintons. The Donald’s son would go from simply being called “Baron”, to a Crown Prince. His stunning wife would become a Queen. I could dig that. The protocol at the White House would have to be changed. No longer would the commander-in-chief be addressed simply as “Mr. President”, but now “His Excellency”. George Washington spurned the title, but then he wasn’t worth ten billion dollars. Mar-A-Lago would be the new Martha’s Vineyard, and the beautiful Mrs. Trump would be the new Jackie. Now that’s what I call real glitz. Maybe we could get somebody from Versace or Dolce Gabana to style the new Trump coat-of-arms. The White House, of course, would have to be re-painted—probably in gold, and re-named the Trump House. Some current staff would have to go so the paparazzi could take up residence in the West Wing. But all-in-all these would be welcome changes. A class of aristocrats in America would help “level” the society. There would still be the rich and the poor—of course. But we’d all of us be subjects again.
Think of it—King Donald I. Oh—Happy Day America!
Maybe blacks and other minorities would finally feel welcome. African Americans and other minorities would have the same status as Joe-six-pack. Bet you thought that would never happen? Of course we’d have to take down the Statue of Liberty and replace it with an appropriate monument (something like the Lincoln Memorial) to our new king—the Donald. Oh—Happy Day America!
Right now America is a little down-at-the-heel, not to mention a little down in spirit. Even our much revered constitution is no longer the document it used to be. The Supreme Court interprets it to give corporations standing as people, allowing them to give unlimited amounts of money to candidate Super Pacs to influence elections in a way that is prejudicial against the average voter, that perverts and is harmful to the whole democratic process. You call that “equal protection” under the law? People are pissed off. They don’t believe that they have a real voice anymore. I never thought I’d see the day. We should all ( as “good Americans”) start sharpening our pikes. Oh—Happy Day America!
We’ve lost our panache—our cachet. Countries no longer look up to America as the leader of the free world. And frankly, we’re tired of getting our ass kicked in all these stupid wars, and coming up short on all these bogus trade deals our leaders negotiate for us. Obama sold us all out with his push for the TPP. The last thing the country needs is another clumsy and in-artful, Bush-like Howdy Doody character as President. We really need to restore our confidence and spruce up our image. We could use a little royalty—sorta like the British. We could use someone with real balls running the country. Someone like Hillary. And we could use a little levity. We take ourselves way too seriously, as if we’re already the staid nobility of the world. I mean, this is hardly on a level with King Arthur. There’s no romantic legend, and no Camelot—yet. We have no Round Table, and no noble knights like Lancelot. We just have George Bush, Dick Cheney and John Bolton. Oh—Happy Day America!
The Europeans though—who have modern, advanced societies and a long-standing tradition of liberal democratic socialism—know considerably more than we do about pluralism, honest representative government and true nobility must see us as just a bunch of arrogant, nouveau-riche country bumpkins. Old money in America is today represented by people like Apple’s former boss Steve Jobs, Bill and Melinda Gates and the Waltons (ick!), and the nouveau-riche by owners of the Facebook and Google fortunes—the new diaper tycoons of the digital age. Some of these kids are probably still wetting the bed at night. With considerable hubris, we in America see ourselves (on the world stage today) as the trusted nobility, the leader of the free world and the model for a modern civilized society. The one thing we really have in America is tournaments. Lots of tournaments in football, hockey, basketball, you name it the list is endless. We are a country obsessed with sport and games, almost to the exclusion of everything else that’s meaningful. There’s no jousting anymore. Too bad! It would be fun to watch Jeb Bush—or even the Donald—in a suit of armor mount a horse and take up a lance. This comic scene would have the fairy tale Sir Lancelot flipping over in his grave. Oh—Happy Day America!
Lincoln had us fight the Civil War to preserve the Union. I think that was probably a big mistake. The South should have been left to go its own way. States in the Republican South get back more from the federal government in the form of transfer payments (subsidies) than they pay in taxes. The days of Jim Crow are supposed to be gone, but still there’s widespread discrimination and police violence directed against minority groups. Not all cops are bad. But we need to recognize that there is a marked tendency, in departments all across the country, for police to use racial profiling and excessive force (police brutality) when confronting the minority community. We’ve all seen it. Young black men routinely get stopped for chicken-shit offenses, having a tail light out, and then end up dead. Florida (the state where Jeb Bush was governor) can’t even run a fair election. And every day legislatures in the South are working hard to restrict voter’s rights, passing laws that require photo ID, that require stricter registration and shut down early access to the polls. Southern governors (Republicans) oppose medicaid, denying health care to their citizens that other Americans in more progressive (mostly Northern states) take for granted and routinely enjoy. They promote so-called “right to work laws”, labor busting legislation, and resist efforts to raise the minimum wage. Oh—Happy Days America!
America really does need a monarchy? It’s time to liven things up.
America really does need a monarchy? It’s time to liven things up. The Obamas were okay. Good people, but a bit too declasse’ for us real snobs. The White House needs a makeover. Donald Trump would be a good king. Who better? He already flies his own jet. We could put Air Force One in moth balls and save a few bucks. He has his own helicopter, and likes to give little kids rides. Plus, he’s a “big” businessman. What could be more appropriate for America? Throw in a little apple pie and some hot dogs, and you tell me that’s not really American! I think the Donald would be just the ticket. Probably he would like to build a little history around the Trump name, and make his family the new “First Family”. Would that be cool or what? The Donald, I believe, would like to move his whole family to Washington. His daughter Ivanka, a beautiful and–we’re told– gracious young lady would be a Princess in a new Camelot. Think of the fun it would be. The Trumps in Washington would be like the Clampets going to Hollywood. I don’t know about you, but I’m almost breathless at the prospect. And with a monarchy, we wouldn’t even need a Supreme Court. These dangerous, no-nothing justices like Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas could get jobs at Subway. Wouldn’t that be a breath of fresh air? Oh–Happy Day America
In a Trump monarchy, Americans will be the first peasants to have credit cards.
In a Trump monarchy, Americans will be the first peasants to have credit cards. The U.S. constitution will become (if it’s not already) a bastard reverse version of the Magna Carta, a document for the titled aristocracy—the wealthy elites—to expand their power and privilege. The Koch brothers will no doubt need to build a moat around their castle to keep out the riffraff, the angry poor, the rebellious struggling masses. For the rich, this will indeed be “Morning in America”. Hedge fund honchos, the corporate elite and Wall Street banksters (gangsters) will be the Barons—the new feudal lords with their own fiefdoms, populated with credit card serfs and student loan debtors all working their land. If that’s not Valhalla you tell me what is? Under the frugal Democrats, state dinners in Washington are, well—sort of spartan republican (with a small r) affairs. I mean, it’s not a good sign that guests eat before they go, and then stop at a McDonalds on the way home. We need someone again who really knows how to throw a party. And we need to do something about how we provide transport for our new monarch. “The Beast” (the current president’s heavily armored car) has been okay for President Obama. But what we’ll really need is something more regal and not so expensive to operate, like a pumpkin that can turn into an elegant coach. How’s that for real fairy tale stuff? And probably a new palace like Versailles will need to be constructed on the outskirts of Washington. That would be a good infra-structue project. To pay for it the Republicans can just defund Planned Parenthood—again! Or else they’ll just force a government shut-down. Probably though they’d just do away with Social Security altogether. Think of all the palaces we could build then? Oh—Happy Day America!
The Europeans though have nothing over us when it comes to prisons. The French had the Bastille, but heck! We have (for profit ) prisons all over America—filled with young black men, some who never had a fair chance of making it in a “white” still racist America—a big pat-on-the-back and a ringing endorsement for an unfair criminal justice system. How egalitarian! Now I ask you, what could be truer to our capitalist ethic than for-profit prisons? Instead of these dull inaugurations, we could have real coronations with all the attendant pomp and circumstance—just like when Napoleon became emperor. The Donald wouldn’t have to worry about combing his hair anymore because it would be covered by a crown. For formal White House (excuse me, Trump House) engagements we could even bring back into fashion small clothes for men, with short pants, silk stockings and little Jefferson-style slippers, and coats with long tails. The Donald could even wear a powdered white wig and have a perfumed silk kerchief stuck in his sleeve. Wouldn’t that be grand? Perhaps a big sprinkle of fairy dust will help restore the magic of Camelot? I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to be a subject of King Donald. Oh—Happy Day America!
The Money Trader