Mitt Romney is bored. Like most old retirees, once he’s taken out the trash and fed the dog, he starts wondering about how he’s going to fill-up the rest of his day. Most old retired guys play cribbage at the park with their buddies, build model airplanes or just go fishing. Mitt though has decided to run for President — again, lest Jeb Bush get ahead of him in the Republican donor sweepstakes. He could of course just stay at home and maybe corner his wife Ann in the bedroom, save us all the ennui of another campaign. We should be so lucky. Think about it! It’s fun to imagine — almost hilarious — the Mitt-ster stripped down to his shorts (Speedo Ha! Ha!) and socks, popping a Viagra and chasing his wife around their palatial new beach house. Fun to think about. The Romneys though as an old couple probably don’t go in for that kind of sport anymore. If nothing else, you’d think Mitt could just sit in his Mercedes and ride up and down on the elevator he had installed in his garage.
Being a retired zillionaire — sitting around home by yourself — is, I suppose, probably not as much fun as everybody thinks. The solution if you’re Mitt Romney: get back onto the campaign trail. You see, deep down in his heart, Mitt truly believes he was born to be President. The man in the office now is there by mistake (an interloper), and he (Mitt) should be the one flying around in Air Force One, running the free-world. Besides, by now Mitt is a professional campaigner. This will be his third try at becoming President. That in itself requires major ego.
It’s neat (cool) to be President. The secret service stops traffic wherever you go, and you get to hang-out with real celebrities. Modest Democrats like Barack Obama enjoy common everyday fun things like hanging out and doing high-fives with Lebron James, or rubbing bootys with Niki Minaj. Sounds like fun to me. Mitt though is probably not so free-spirited. High-brow hedge fund honchos like Mitt usually prefer more serious, cerebral past-times like sitting around with a bottle of Perrier discussing the benefits to the wealthy of failed and discredited Republican policies like “trickle down” supply-side economics with the party brain-trust — conservative rock stars and intellectual luminaries like John Boehner and Mitch McConnell.
I don’t know if a career spent bankrupting companies, plundering pension plans and out-sourcing jobs qualifies a person to be President of the United States. If it does, then old Mitt is eminently qualified to have the job. Maybe for this next race he should just get a new rod and reel, clean out his old tackle box, and go fishing.
The Money Trader